Through trials and hardship
In recent weeks I’ve been experiencing panic attacks. While managing Streetlytes, I’ve realised that I’ve been taking on more than I could handle and it got to the point where my heart could not take it anymore.
Since then, I’ve shared this issue with my church staff and they’ve been so supportive in sharing the burden of serving the homeless and vulnerable. More recently, I received a letter from the tax people saying I had paid too little tax and therefore I owe them a substantial sum of money.
On top of all of this, I’ve received an accusation from one of the volunteers I manage in Streetlytes of sexual harassment.
I know, right?
These last few weeks, Elena and I have been talking very seriously about moving forward; dreams of future family growth, hopes of moving closer to church, ordination training. All these are intertwined with support raising. Panic attacks, tax problems, serious false accusations are not what I need. However, our God who we serve together, in His good and sovereign will, has ordained all of this. It is this season of trial and tribulations that God has led me to His Word in Hebrews 11-13 and psalm 27. God talks about faith; what it is, what it looks like, demonstrating further by examples of our brothers and sisters of old What struck me the most is Abraham “By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises was in the act of offering up his only son, of whom it was said, "Through Isaac shall your offspring be named." He considered that God was able even to raise him from the dead, from which, figuratively speaking, he did receive him back.” Hebrews 11:17-19 ESV I cannot comprehend why these trials are happening to me, but through it all, my soul cries within me saying, “Lord search my heart where I trust in things that are not of you. Forgive me, change me. I also want to trust in God, like Abraham!” Like Moses, I too want to consider the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt. At the end of the day I desire for God to grant me the eyes of faith to truly see the God whom we serve and confidently say, “When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall. Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident.” "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?" Through this season in my life, I hope you, NAME, would be encouraged also. May you find God’s faithfulness in the midst of hard times, confusing times.
Lord God, our Father, may the lands obey Your laws, may they fear Your name above men, in my heart as well as theirs, hallowed be Your name.