The deeper you are in the world, the deeper your insecurities
I write this at a café. I have some time to study before I go lead and serve at Streetlytes. As I try to focus, I start hearing a young lady (let’s say her name is Chloe), comfortable with everyone hearing about her recent problems on the phone, having a rant fest. She’s recently had a difficult conversation with a friend (let’s call her Fiona). It doesn’t seem like she perceives Fiona as a friend anymore and now she’s making it known to this other friend on the phone (let’s call her Emily). The difficult conversation involved Chloe having to hear from Fiona that she’s recently been a bit too selfish, always talking about herself and not interested in talking about others, like how Fiona is doing with her boyfriend. Chloe took this hard and was shocked to hear such harsh words from a person she thought was her friend. Chloe tells Emily that she doesn’t want to talk to Fiona anymore. She’s been crying all night yesterday with her mum at her side. Chloe is now considering and thinking of having therapy because of this. Then gradually the conversation starts to become a bit more light. Chloe starts telling Emily that she’s the strongest woman she’s known, that she’s wonderful, always reliable. Chloe wants Emily to visit her on her winter holiday in New York. I guess she’s just thanking her for listening. I don’t know whether Emily agreed with her rant or not. This got me thinking. Are people like Chloe, who have a lot security and comfort in the world, prone to being more insecure because of their reliance on worldly things? DISCLAIMER: I have no idea if what I’m saying is true, but with the little observation of Chloe’s world, it seemed to me that she had lost her worth and identity, her sense of security, when she was told that she was ugly; selfish, self-absorbed, not considering her friends by not mentioning Fiona and her boyfriend in any conversation. So the next step to take was to confide in mum to fill that hole. Maybe mum didn’t tell her what she wanted to hear. So Emily comes into view and she is now the source of her comfort for the time being. I concluded this when Chloe started to big up Emily for being a strongest woman she’s ever met. This train of thought got me to think about Jesus’ parable about the camel through the eye of the needle. Matthew 19:24 says, “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.” Chloe wasn’t a millionaire, maybe she was, I don’t know. But her heart was full, rich and abundant with the kingdom of this world. And what does this worldly kingdom reign with? Fear, lies, and death. Chloe was full of fear. Her heart was deep in the world and therefore deep were her insecurities. Let us not find ourselves in this state. Search your hearts brothers and sisters, let the light of the world shine through, reveal, convict, and sanctify what is dear to the Lord.